Walking Paradox

Hi, I'm Kring. Nineteen years young and an incoming junior at the Arteneoh de Manila University. I don't use girly symbols like ` or ♥ or :> or :"> (well, now, wasn't that random).

Er, I'm not fond of writing stuff about myself D: But I am talkative in real life. I do know, though, when it's time to shut up and listen to you.

(Enough of this nonsense.)

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Anj Aryan Irae Ishna Ninin


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depression attack
Sunday, June 18, 2006 8:42 AM
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I think I'm going through a phase. Hopefully, I'm only going through a phase.

I have noticed that I'm different everytime I'm in school, with my clique, with the same bunch of batch mates, compared to being in a different environment with people whom I do not know. Tuloy, hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ang personality ko - kung maingay ba ko o tahimik.

Whenever I'm at school, I'm SO ever the silent type, one who couldn't even speak, one who refuses to talk, for the plain reason na NASABI KO NA LAHAT NG GUSTO KONG SABIHIN. Being with the same people for the past 4 years makes that happen. Kumbaga lahat na-kwento ko na, wala na akong masabi. I don't know if it's just me, if all of this is normal or not. Being at the same environment for the past 4 years can actually grow tiring... no offense to some people, but it makes me sick. Nakakasawa. My passion has been extinguished. I'm... lackluster.

I think I may well have another reason for my behavior: the personality. Halos lahat ata ng tao sa St.Scho kasing-ugali ko. Those who are unique are celebrated - everybody wants to know them, to befriend them. The only problem is, lahat sila magkakabarkada. And the ordinary people inside the campus - me, for instance - go with our ordinary lives, ordinary routine, ordinary blah blah blah. Sickening.

KASI NAMAN, ALAM KO NA KUNG ANO'NG MANGYAYARI BUONG ARAW. I hang out with my clique in the morning, then lessons, then recess with my clique (wherein it's expected na either tahimik kaming lahat o nagpapatawa ang isa naming kabarkada), lessons, lunch time with my clique (just like recess: expected na lahat), lessons, dismissal spent with my clique (where we wait for everybody... and where everything is the way recess goes), service with some of my kabarkada, kung saan tahimik kami ng servis mates namin... there. A routine, done for 205 days, done in the last 4 years.

Hindi ba nakakasawa?

Hindi ba kayo mabu-bwisit na ganito nalang buhay niyo?

I need a new environment... I think.

Or maybe, it's okay for me to let go of everything. To start a new life.

I remember nung may review classes kami. I was the funniest and most active person on the class. Sobrang daldal ko - I was not the shy type, not even around boys. Lahat nalang kinukwento ko, lahat ng tao inaasar ko. I was in a new setting, and I was comfortable.

Tingnan niyo? Ibang- iba ako sa labas. I yearn to be in a different surrounding.

Being in the same environs with the same people and the same routine for the past 4 years... tell me, hindi ka ba magsasawa?

O baka naman ako lang ang may problema?